In a recent post on this blog, titled “Dirty Sluts in America,” Chellebell argues that women are pressured to “engage in sex to fit in, but once they have sex, their peers bash them.” After reading the article, the question that bogs my mind is why sex is generally acceptable for men and not for women. Why in particular are women so often shamed for engaging in premarital sex? I mean, why aren’t women just as entitled as men to make decisions for themselves when it comes to their own sex lives. . .
Not only does slut shaming occur in the United States, but a recent article explores this phenomena in Turkey (here). In the prosaically titled “Ambivalent Sexism and Attitudes toward Women who Engage in Premarital Sex in Turkey,” Nuray Sakali-Ugurlu and Peter Glick observe the sexual double standard that women are pressured and ridiculed when they engage in premarital sex while men are not. They argue that “women who are known to have engaged in premarital sex are not only disrespected but may face myriad forms of discrimination, including serious social and family problems” and such women undergo “involuntary virginity examinations, surgical reconstruction of the hymen, and physical abuse for failing to ‘protect’ their virginity.” Whether in Turkey or the United States, it is my view that women are independent individuals whose sexual ideas and desires should be respected. The disrespect directed toward women who have premarital sex not only demonstrates a double standard, but shows a broader pattern of discrimination against women. Attacks on the rights of women to make choices for themselves about their bodies reveal how vulnerable women are, and the fact that this standard is applied unequally for men and women demonstrates that we are still living in a patriarchal society. To take the analysis a bit further, I think it is important to understand that the double standard applied to women is bound up with hegemonic masculinity. In other words, men ridicule women for having premarital sex, but at the same time, they often depend on having premarital sex with women in order to achieve their masculinity. In this light, a woman’s choice about who she wants to have sex with and when she wants to do it is scrutinized and ridiculed because men depend on it for their own masculinity. It is important to highlight that even though masculinity is hegemonic, women retain a measure of control. Ironically, women are centrally involved in the production of hegemonic masculinity, which in turn, subjects women to a sexual double standard. By this logic, women are co-creators of the system that imprisons them, and if this is true, then it stands to reason that women have a direct way to intervene on the production of hegemonic masculinity. Women have agency, and they aren’t just the victims Chellebell seems to take them for. Unfortunately, exercising this agency is not without its consequences. Women are raped every day for daring to decide for themselves the terms of their sex with men. It is often stated that rape is more about power and control than sex. I think women fall victim to rape because they are attempting to exercise their agency in denying sex with men who seek to realize their masculinity. They are, in effect, attempting to wrestle power away from men. ~ Wenty
5 Comments
irina
5/4/2010 06:19:12 am
i was thinking about this issue before i red this article as many of my girlfriends have the same virginity-related issues... i agree that virginity for women and men are two very different things and socially are treated differently. also, discussing women virginity is far more popular than to talk about mens' one...
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lishide
5/4/2010 09:57:39 am
Yes. I think a good example of this double standard is evident in the celebrity affairs of late. Jesse James and Tiger Woods certainly received criticism for cheating on their wives, but in so many of the stories there seems to be a subtext that boys will be boys. The real name calling and "shaming" was directed toward their mistresses.
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Chellebell
5/6/2010 08:31:13 am
I agree. If a girl is dating around and sleeps with many men she is called a slut. A lot of men do not want to marry a women who's had dozens of partners. I have a friend who actually said he would not date a girl who's had more than 5 partners, but he's had 12. This double standard is unfair and wrong. Men call girls who give up sex easy hoes, but then if they resist they are called a tease or bitch. Its ridiculous.
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Terrapin Love
5/11/2010 01:20:27 pm
Chellebell, I completely agree with your comment. It's like women can never win- if a woman has sex with a man, then he seems to be over it immediately because she gave it up too easily and they did not have to try that hard. However, if a woman does not have sex with a man, then she is just "leading him on" or messing with his mind. it is impossible to do it the right way. I remember in high school when my boyfriend and I were one of the only couples, or probably THE only couple who had not had sex, his friends and my friends viewed the situation completely differently. I earned respect from my friends because I knew I was not ready, yet his friends thought he was a "bitch" because he could not get his girl in bed. Yet when we were broken up, it was as if other guys saw me as a challenge to see if they could get me to do things that my ex could not get me to do. If a guy decides that he wants to wait to have sex until marriage, or even until he finds somebody he loves, he is either labeled as gay or "a little bitch" by both men and women, instead of being respected for his integrity. The double standard never ends and it is not beneficial to either of the sexes.
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chantelle berry
5/17/2010 02:26:18 am
I agree with your blog. When it comes to sex, there is a double standard. If a boy is still a virgin at a certain age he is teased and is usually seen as a loser. Guys feel pressured to lose their virginity. On the other hand, girls are praised for being a virgin. Girls do not get pressured by their friends to lose their virginity. But if a girl does lose her virginity at an early age, she is seen as easy.
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AuthorsThe Class Blog Project, or CBP, is a blog featuring undergraduate students forming a critical dialogue with each other around ideas related to the sociology of gender. Archives
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